Friday, January 14, 2011

Disconcerting Facts About Hong Kong

Whilst I may often glorify the Hong Kong Special Administrative Region of the People's Republic of China, there are many disconcerting and superficial facts that foreigners ought to know.

1. It stinks. HK is a small place. Therefore, residential, commercial and industrial areas often overlap. Of course, sewerage can often be smelt, and sewage is sometimes seen, so that's where the stink comes from. Then there are the stores that sell stinky tofu. As the name suggests, it is stinky. Stinky like sewage. Stinky like rotten eggs. Personally, I don't have a problem with the smell, but that might just be the sinusitis kicking in.

2. The Si Lai's. It's hard to describe a Si Lai, but think of a middle aged Asian lady. 40 to late 50s year olds with big handbags and bulky fur coats. In Australia, the Si Lai's aren't too bad. But HK Si Lai's are just...horrifying. The latest fashion is fur boots and tights and (short) shorts/skirts and down jackets. So imagine a short, Asian lady in denim short shorts with purple tights underneath with big fluffy white boots in a pink down jacket with heavy makeup and purple highlights in a balding head. And they're really loud.

3. The Glasses Frames. It is also fashion to wear the frames of glasses. Sure, it's okay to wear it for something once off, like a silly photo or something. But you dare wear it out into the streets as a fashion item to make yourself look good? I'm sorry, sir/madam, but you look plain retarded. You might as well make one out of paper and wear it on your face. To those who wear them as part of their clothing on a regular basis, I have lost respect for you. Even if you were hot, I now disregard you. Everytime I see frames, I have the sudden urge to poke the wear in the eyes. AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO LENSES.

4. Safety Goggles. They are also now a fashion item. They're not industrial safety goggles, but they're just really thick frames with really thick lenses. It's like they're afraid someone will poke them in the eyes.

5. Nighttime looks like daytime. That may be due to pollution. I am not surprised. The nightsky looks like it's always dusk. Everywhere is brightly lit. Once, I walked into the street from dinner upstairs and I thought the sun was still out but it was just the jewelery store across the road that had bright white lights. It's ridiculous. Unless you live in the woods/gutters/back alleys, there is no dark place.

Unless, of course, when you turn the lights off.

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